October 22, 2010
Since
elementary school, I can remember having a plan for my future. I always knew that I wanted to do four
things: go to an Ivy League university, be a country singer, be a teacher and
be a mother. While the first was most
definitely at the urging of my beloved parents (I can’t believe a seven year
old would know what Ivy League meant), I knew education was extremely
important. It’s a value that I’ve been
raised with my entire life. Wanting to
be a singer stemmed from my love of music. It helped that singing came
naturally and that I have a talent for being slightly over dramatic. (My dad asked me whether Nashville and
Vanderbilt was an attempt to accomplish both my educational and singing
goals. I’ll let all of you decide). The last two dreams came from a deep love of
children and wanting in some ways to leave my mark on the world. After my initial cancer diagnosis, I didn’t
believe the fundamental goals and experiences of my life would change. I believed that once I survived cancer life
would miraculously revert back to the normalcy of pre-cancerhood. However, this didn’t happen, and my dreams
changed—they evolved. While my dreams are different today, it’s not
a reason to mourn. The beauty of
dreaming, the beauty of the human condition in general, is that as we evolve
through life our dreams evolve with us.
The dreams of our childhood may not necessarily be appropriate for the
circumstances of our adult lives, yet in no way should the dreams of adulthood
be considered settling. Sometimes things
happen that alter your life so drastically that you must create dreams to equal
and succeed your old ones. It’s not an
easy process to go through nor is it one that we always accept. However, by
going through trials in our life, we grow as dreamers. Without being confronted with the loss of
something we dearly love, we never search for or see the vast multitude of
options life can hold. Having your
dreams evolve with you is not the end of the world.
Now you may be wondering what all the
talk of dreams evolving has to do with my Glad to Be Alive Day. It has to do with the fact that as of now, I
am at a cross road in my life which is the culmination of the evolution of my
dreams. I have many avenues to explore,
and I am greatly uncertain as to which road to take. Do I graduate in the spring of 2011 and go
directly into a job? Do I delay
graduating till December of 2011, do an internship, and take a few more courses
so that I can go onto graduate school?
Do I even continue undergraduate school at all? (Breathe Dad, breathe. It’s just a joke!) The answer is I don’t know. I’m scared, worried, and honestly,
overwhelmingly unprepared to enter the real adult world I never thought I’d see
to live. At the same time, I feel it’s
okay not to know and to take all the uncertainty and channel it into excitement
for what’s to come.
What I also know is that dreams aren’t
merely an individual’s hopes and goals.
Dreams may begin as your own, but as you go through life trying to
achieve them, others are right alongside you giving their advice and
support. These others are called by many
different names such as parents, siblings, family, friends, mentors, teachers,
doctors, and nurses, and these are your names.
You are my others. Without your support,
without some of your great advice and mentoring, I would not be who I am
today. I would not have the dreams I
have today. Because of you, my dreams
continue to be achieved, and this is something I want you to always
remember. The gift of allowing me to
dream is so precious that there are no ways to say thank you to each and every
one of you for your continuing support.
As we come to
celebrate my 13th Glad to Be Alive Day, I want to stress that the
number 13 shouldn’t be considered unlucky. In fact, it’s my favorite number. Some would say I was unlucky to get cancer,
and they wouldn’t be right. I find
myself time and time again marveling at the good that has come from surviving;
the exciting opportunities presented that would otherwise have never been
possible. A cynic would say that I’m
merely deluding myself in order to cope with the devastating effect cancer has
on one’s life, and they would be wrong.
God has a unique way of showing us what is most important during life
altering experiences. We can either
learn that lesson and make the most or ignore the lesson and let life be as
miserable as we make it. In this way,
I’m lucky to have learned from an early age that dreams can change. It prepared me for today as I know that life
has a lot waiting for me if I only dare to see.
On this very
happy and lucky 13th Glad to Be Alive Day, may you and your dreams
continue onward through this beautiful thing called life, and may you continue
to share the wonders of life with those around you.
For the original version of this letter, click here.
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