Cindy Markland's Letter

Life really is a gift, but it comes with a mix. The challenges are all experiences from which to grow, though some challenges offer up achievement, some offer up happiness, some offer up hardship, and the list goes on. I think our birthdays are reminders of our GTBD, but sometimes those GTBD's come in another form like from a life trauma. My GTBAD comes from such an experience. Being pregnant is such a time of excitement, anticipation, changes, and most of all the joy of having a baby, but mine turned into a survival experience. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia (a life-threatening diagnosis) where your kidneys and liver begin to shut down and create a host of complications for mother and baby. The earlier this happens in pregnancy the worse it is. My diagnosis came at 28 weeks, a far cry from the 40 weeks to full-term. My initial admission to the hospital left me in a state of shock that I was going to have deliver my precious baby at 28 weeks, and if I didn't, I could die. I became so sick, everyone had to do everything for me. I was hooked up to so many tubes coming and going I don't know how anyone made sense of it. It was a feeling of complete helplessness on a level I had never experienced in my life. However, with the tremendous amount of excellent care and support from the medical staff, husband, family, and friends I did not despair. I felt everyone's prayers in a way I cannot adequately describe. Then my son was born right on the 28 week mark, and I could not hold him or care for him or bond with him as he had to be taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit known as the NICU. He then had the countless number of tubes that I don't know how anyone could keep straight. It was the most difficult day of my life instead of the most joyous. I didn't know if I was going to have to sign a Birth Certificate or Death Certificate for him during the first 24 hours. I was able to recover in the weeks following, but his first 4-8 weeks were touch and go. I am happy to say after a 3 month NICU stay he was able to come home, but not without struggles. He is now a happy healthy teen :). My GTBAD happens to be my son's birthday, so it's a two-fold day for me. I'm glad to be alive, and I'm overjoyed and glad my son is alive. All this brings me back to my first sentence of life being a gift, you just never know how it will wrapped, but it is always treasured.